i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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