I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
