found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
