Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
