how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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