i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
