Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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