there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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