My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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