somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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