How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I did not marry a roomba.
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