I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
