So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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