Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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