you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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