its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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