i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
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