I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
