Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
