worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
