clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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