just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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