So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
