Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
