are you still at the devil's house?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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