Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
