all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
