I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
