Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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