Its about making memories worth repressing
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
