you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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