Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
