One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
