Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
