so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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