i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
