I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
