There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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