I'm going to jail i love you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
