Kareoke will never be a sober sport
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
