It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
