He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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