saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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