dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
