I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
