I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's shark week go big or go home
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
