Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
