I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize