So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
