No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
