why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
