His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
