i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We need to get me chipped asap
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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