Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize