I wish I could teleport
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
