dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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