apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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