how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
