foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
