Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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