So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
