the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
