my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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