Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize