oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
