Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize