return my video game
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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