I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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