she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nicole vs. Life
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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