i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
