Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
