dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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