I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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