So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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