Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
operation have a gay friend backfired
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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