there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
