his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
