The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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