Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You smell like stripper and shame
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
