I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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