Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
