don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
