Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
